Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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