He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
