You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
