I wish my penis had an off switch
I will die if light touches me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I still have a little drunk in my system
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
