She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
