So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
