True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
