There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
