Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
