I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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