Jerry, you need to find god
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
