every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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