Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
