He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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