i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
