Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
