We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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