Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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