In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
