thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He felt like a one man threesome
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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