So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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