I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
