the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
