did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
