Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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