Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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