Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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