would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
