Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
