When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
