There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My balls are so social today.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
