Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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