Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
send nudes
from the living room?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
