they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
