In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
