At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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