sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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