I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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