he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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