I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
