guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Pooping to opera.
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