i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
