some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
