Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
