Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
