I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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