Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
