He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
