Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
