His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
