so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize