She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
