Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
