Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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