Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
