Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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