So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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