i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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