If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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