i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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