Do you still have your period?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
