There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
