I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
