Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
