I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
