Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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