Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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