I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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