he wants to bone in the snuggie
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize