Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
