It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
