If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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