I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
